My dad never had a relationship with his dad.
It’s always been a blank page in our family history.
Sadly, my grandpa left the family when my dad was just a baby. We don’t know why.
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It won’t shock you to learn that my father (Sam Senior) is a very curious person and has never been afraid to say what’s on his mind or ask the big questions.
But, every time he asked about his dad, he was instantly shut down and vividly remembers Nanna saying: “We don’t talk about him in this house”.
As the years ticked by, my dad’s burning desire to “know” his father was only growing stronger.
And this year, he did something about it.
He teamed up with his mate and historian, Michael Wohltmann, and they embarked on some serious digging.
They confirmed his name to be Robert Carson McMillan. He passed away in Lancaster in 1969, aged 42.
Dad wasn’t expecting his father to still be alive, but having confirmation of his death certainly had an impact.
If anything, it made him more determined to keep going.
For as long as I can remember, whenever I’d ask dad about his dad, it would be a brief and solemn conversation.
It was glaringly evident to me that for dad, something was missing.
The conversations would often end with him saying: “I just wish I could see a photo of him”.
I really felt for him. Remember, all of this was pre-iPhones. It’s hard to imagine living your whole life with no pictures, no visual cues popping into your mind when you think of your father.
Dad and Michael, the unlikely detective duo (who I should point out, met at the pub) were now on a mission, to track down a photo of his dad.
They somehow managed to get a piece published in The Lancaster Guardian.
The headline read: ‘Australian man’s desperate search for photo of father he never knew’.
Two weeks later I got a call from dad: “We found him”.
A woman in Lancaster who was related to Robert happened to see the article on Facebook and she sent dad a handful of photos.
He was over the moon. Tears of joy. I could feel the excitement in his voice. My dad was a little kid again.
Dad had been waiting 70 years for that photo and I was so happy for him.
It was quite surreal for me too, seeing my grandad for the very first time.
Dad is very open minded about his father and acknowledges that he obviously wasn’t perfect, but also that it was a challenging time in Northern Ireland. A lot of people had to get out as a matter of life or death.
He wishes he had a chance to know his dad and make his own mind up, but it wasn’t to be.
The photo gave my dad a form of closure. There’s still so many unanswered questions (get back to work Michael), but the beautiful thing for dad is that now when he thinks of his father, he can see him.
He has a face to the name, the page is no longer blank.
This year will be the first Father’s Day my dad has ever experienced where he knows what his dad looks like.
I’m really proud of him for not giving up. He found his dad.
The beautiful flow on from this search is that it’s brought my dad and I closer together.
It’s reminded me that he was just a little boy once, and devastatingly he never got to enjoy a loving relationship with his father, something I will do everything to give my girls.
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